Golden Rule

That’s not enough any more

The Golden Rule, “treat others as you’d like to be treated”, is so universal that it feels like a core part of humanity. The earliest documented use of the term "Golden Rule", is that of British Anglican theologians and preachers, Charles Gibbon and Thomas Jackson in 1604. However, a Late Period (c. 664–323 BCE) Egyptian papyrus contains an negative affirmation of this, "That which you hate to be done to you, do not do to another." I, like probably all of you, grew up with this mantra in church, school, scouts, sports, and practically every other place where I interacted with others. This “rule” seemed completely commonsensical. If I would want someone to offer me a hand while carrying an armload of books, I should offer someone else a hand. However, a very impressive leader that I have had the privilege of learning from pointed out that this is no longer good enough.

Before we dive into what the New Golden Rule should be, let’s start by understanding some critical aspects of leadership. It is a leader’s responsibility to take care of their people. In one of my articles on Leadership Principles, I highlighted the concept that leaders need:

Know Your People and Look Out for Their Welfare - A key aspect of leadership is deeply understanding your team members' backgrounds, strengths, weaknesses, and personal situations. This knowledge allows you to tailor your approach, ensuring team members are engaged and productive.

You can’t take care of a team member unless you know them. You need to know – what motivates them, what bothers them, what do they fear, who do they trust the most, what do they like, what do they not like, on and on. Just because I can work in loud environments, doesn’t mean every team member can concentrate with a lot of distraction. We all have our proclivities and preferences. As a leader, if you want to maximize your team’s performance, you need to give people the task that best fits their skills and the best environment to maximize their success. Obviously, unless you are trying to stretch them and then sometimes you want to assign tasks or structure environments that push them to grow outside of their comfort zones. However, even then, in order to stretch them effectively you need to really know them.

Once you really know your teammates, you can then treat them not how you would want to be treated but rather how they want to be treated. This is what I refer to as the New Golden Rule, “treat others like they want to be treated.” Shifting from the traditional Golden Rule to this New Golden Rule requires leaders to embrace the power of personalization. Instead of assuming that what works for one person will work for another, great leaders take the time to understand the unique motivations, work styles, and preferences of their team members. This level of individualized leadership doesn’t just improve morale, it drives better performance, engagement, and trust.

Effective leadership isn’t one-size-fits-all. People have different strengths, communication preferences, and motivations. What inspires one team member might stress another. Some thrive on public recognition, while others prefer quiet acknowledgment. Some are energized by brainstorming sessions, while others need time to process ideas before contributing. A great leader recognizes these differences and adjusts their approach accordingly. Imagine two employees: Alex and Jordan. Alex thrives on direct, no-nonsense feedback and prefers quick, unfiltered conversations. Jordan, on the other hand, is more introspective and tends to overanalyze criticism. If you give Jordan the same blunt feedback you give Alex, they may become discouraged rather than motivated. A personalized approach means adapting, being direct with Alex while taking a more thoughtful, constructive approach with Jordan, perhaps by highlighting strengths before suggesting improvements.

Some employees crave stretch assignments and thrive when thrown into challenging new projects with little hand-holding. Others prefer a more gradual development path, where they can build confidence before taking on major responsibilities. The best leaders recognize these differences and tailor development plans accordingly, giving ambitious employees more opportunities to take risks while providing structured support for those who need it. By treating people how they want to be treated, leaders create environments where employees feel seen, valued, and empowered to do their best work. Personalization isn’t about favoritism, it’s about understanding what each person needs to thrive and making the effort to meet them there. This shift from a one-size-fits-all leadership approach to a truly individualized one is what separates good leaders from great ones.

Applying the New Golden Rule in leadership and life starts with intentionality, actively listening, observing, and adapting to the unique needs of those around you. Instead of assuming, ask people how they prefer to receive feedback, what conditions help them thrive, and what challenges they face. Pay attention to their body language, energy levels, and responses in different situations to understand their preferences even when they don’t explicitly state them. Flexibility is key. An effective leader shifts their approach based on the individual, whether that means giving a high performer more autonomy or providing structured guidance to someone who needs it. By personalizing interactions, leaders build deeper trust, foster stronger collaboration, and ultimately drive better results. The impact extends beyond the workplace, applying this mindset in friendships, family relationships, and everyday interactions strengthens connections and ensures people feel valued in the way that resonates most with them.

When leaders embrace the New Golden Rule, treating others how they want to be treated, the impact is profound. Teams become more engaged, trust deepens, and performance improves because people feel understood and valued. Personalizing leadership isn’t just about being thoughtful; it’s a strategic advantage that creates stronger, more resilient organizations. Beyond the workplace, this mindset strengthens relationships in all aspects of life, fostering deeper connections and more meaningful interactions. The Golden Rule was a great foundation, but today’s world demands more awareness and adaptability. True leadership isn’t about treating people your way, it’s about meeting them where they are. So here’s the challenge: take a step beyond assumption and start asking, observing, and personalizing. A simple shift in perspective can transform the way you lead, collaborate, and connect.

P.S. If you like this newsletter you can find it and other great content on Volv, a Snapchat-backed social news app that curates the most important and interesting content, from breaking news to trending stories, into 9-second articles. When you're building products and leading teams, staying informed without losing focus is critical.