Given the preponderance of crime-based drama shows such as CSI, we all probably feel like junior sleuths to some degree. As such, even if we don’t recognize Locard’s name, we likely understand his eponymous principle that offers “Every contact leaves a trace.” Dr. Edmond Locard was an early twentieth century pioneer in forensic science, who became known as the Sherlock Holmes of France. This idea that we leave a trace on everything we make contact with is interesting for forensic science but even more so to me with regard to interactions with other people. Just like we leave microscopic traces of ourselves (fingerprints, fiber from clothes, etc.) on items we touch, I think we also leave traces of ourselves (impressions, ideas, facts, etc.) on people we spend time with.
For many years, in engineering circles, I’ve heard the advice that we should strive to be the dumbest person in the room, as this will ensure we are always learning. There are even books about this topic. While I think that’s good advice, especially for folks starting out in their careers, at some point we need to also be prepared to give back and teach others. While this paints these interactions as either/or, the reality is that we are almost always giving and receiving when we hang around with other people. We also likely take these interactions for granted and aren’t purposeful in our selection of who we spend a lot of time with. We probably don’t put any thought into who our friends are. Location-lottery is the real matchmaker of friendships. Our professional lives are similar. We might do a little due diligence before accepting a job offer to make sure our future boss and coworkers don’t have any major red flags but given how much time we spend with this group of people, most of us don’t do enough homework.
But, “So what?” you might ask. Why does it matter who I spend most of my time with? Folks like LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman believe that, “The fastest way to change yourself is to hang out with the people who are already the way you want to be.” New York Times best-selling author, Darren Hardy, in his book The Compound Effect, states that “[the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.” This is backed by research on reference groups from Harvard University’s social psychologist, Dr. David McClelland. Reference group theory puts forward that individuals’ attitudes, values, and self-appraisals are shaped, in large part, by their identification with, and comparison to, reference groups. Author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, puts it succinctly that, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Whether you believe the entrepreneurs, the scientists, or the motivational speakers, a lot of scientific and anecdotal evidence points toward the people around us having a huge impact on who we become in almost every way from financial success to values. As engineers and engineering leaders, this is most certainly the case, especially early in our careers. I was mentored in my first professional engineering job by an individual who liked pair programming with me. I’ve been a fan ever since, despite many engineers hating the approach.
We can’t always work beside or even be friends with the people that we admire and want to emulate. But, we can and should periodically think about the people we work with and hang out with. Are they making us better and are they who we want to become? Whether we like it or not, the evidence indicates that if we look around to who we have surrounded ourselves with, that’s who we are going to become.